Dear Tutor

people_studying

I have started studying at university three years ago. I have chosen a subject close to my heart and one I believe should be introduced to everyone. I remember the excitement when I became an official student again, the enthusiasm I was filled with, the prospect of boosting to my friends about a second degree. I remember the first day – students and tutors discussing together and in groups, the room was alive with eagerness to learn. I remember one of the tutors especially. He was brilliant. Knowledgable, engaging, smart, entertaining and I was little disappointed that I wasn’t assigned to his group. Although my tutor turned out to be rather brilliant himself.

My first course was amazing. I couldn’t wait to sign up to another. And another. And another. Some more digestable than others. Last year I signed up as well. I dropped out after two weeks. I just couldn’t find the time. Of course few months later, I have signed up to a new one. Dedicated to renewable technologies and guess who was to be my tutor? I was delighted. Then I missed the first tutorial. I knew that I would not finished this course either.

I work full time. I go to  the gym four times a week to get in the shape for all the half-marathons, marathons and 100km runs I have decided to do this year. (Ok, the 100km is ‘just’ an endurance walk but I did it last May. It is super-tough.). I have found passion for creative writing and this little blog was born. I also have friends that I actually like to meet from time to time and I don’t really mind coming across some occasional entertainment and even romantic interaction.

As anyone juggling too many interests or projects knows, something must eventually go. Ideally, it would be work. Problem is, the work pays the rent, food, going out, studying, workshops, travelling and everything. I am not giving up writing or running either. There is too much passion involved in those two. I will be 34 in August and I live with a member of the feline kind so I cannot really abandon the social life. People might start to talk.

I don’t struggle with the studying material, I have actually read most of  the +500 pages book, but I have not even attempted to submit the assignment. It is not that I lost interest in the subject. Environment, sustainability and renewable technologies are to me more important than ever. It’s just that I lost interest in the assignments, projects, deadlines and exams. All of the excitement has slowly evaporated like rainwater from pavements. The magic is gone. And yes I know it sounds foolish because I have invested money and time that now seems to be wasted. Not to me. I have learnt great deal of things that no one can take away from me. But I don’t want to do things because of money or because they are rational. I want to do things with passion. With my heart. Not with my head.

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